Excited yet afraid 😑

Monday, Aug 21, 2023

Starting this journal to keep track of what is happening to me now. I am afraid that I will forget all the things happening to me each day. Natatakot ako na baka ung maliit na porsyento ng kaisyahan ko ay matabunan lahat ng frustrations dulot ng sakit na ito. 

As usual, I woke up with a lot of pain. I asked Mark to help me get up as I can't sleep well last night. I kept thinking about my first Biologics injection - will it work? Or be just a waste? Well atleast, I will be trying it. I am very excited, yet very afraid. Will this give me relief? Will this stop my agony? I will never know until I try.

Preparing meal is really a struggle. Hope Mark finds a way to learn how to cook. Umiyak ako twice today, but I dont want Mark to see it. I cried because the pain is overwhelming even though I know that my pain tolerance is high. Nilalamon ako ng buong buo. Honestly, I don't know who Roj is anymore. I see a different person whenever I look at the mirror. I don't see the brave Roj.

My right hip and knee are acting up again. Kumain ako ng 6 na calamansi and nasusuka ako ngaun habang kumakain ng dinner, really hate the feeling of unable to eat and finish my meal 

Ano ang masakit sa katawan ko? 
-left and right foot
-right knee is more painful than the left
-both hips but right hip is extremely painful
-low back
-right pwet
-mid back, radiates to both side rib cages.
-both shoulders
-a bit in the neck but tolerable now.
-it's really hard to breathe at times

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