Another day of misery

Aug 26, 2023

It was a terrible morning again. Parang ayaw ko na humiga sa gabi dahil alam kong mahihirapan akong bumangon.  Every morning, I would pray na magawa ko lahat ng dapat kong gawin for the day. Having Stiff and painful joints again. Nawala na ung expectations ko that Scapho would work sa isang shot lang. Ok then, sabi naman ng doctor it would take up to 3 ahots before you feel and see the benefits. At this point, napaisip ako, paano ko mahihintay ang hangang 3 shots sa ganitong kalagayan ko. Even going to the bathroom eats all my energy up. Having AS is really hard. Nakiusap ulit ako kay mark na tulungan ako bumangon. Naka upo lang ako sa kama nag iisip kung paano na ba. This life is so miserable. Hope I could just leave this body and choose a different one. Madame pa kong guston gawin, madame pakong gustong marating. Lahat ng un sinira ng sakit na to. Pero naisip ko din, maybe I should change my attitude about this. Just dont really dont know where and how to start. Tried to stand para umihi and nanginginig na ang buo kong katawan. 

Mark is already dressed up. Baka daw may mag clearing ng kalsada and so nag ready na sya in case tawagin siya para alisin ung sasakyan sa labas. I asked him of we could play playstation first para lang maiba ung mood.

How do I help my self to have a different mindset? This is too depressing. I really need mama and papa beside me now but I dont want to add up to their burden. 

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