Weak mode

Aug 25, 2023

Today, It felt that my pain level infensified more after the injection. My joints are stiffer now and I am more distressed. I really dont wanna get out of bed. My mid back got more sensitive and just a little movement would make my back stiff. I was thinking, what could be the reason for this? Probably the probiotics that I have been taking for the past days, is it the biologics?I really dont know. Roj, please take it easy. 

I messaged kuya Eric and asked him to guide me on what to do. I've been thinking a lot lately of resigning from work and just staying with my parents. I really dont know what else to do. At the back of my mind, laban lang, tuloy lang but at the same time I just wanna shut down completely. When will all of these stop. Bugbog na bugbog nako. I have been through a alot. But this, this disease completely shuts me off. 

I came across the videos of Bashar on Tiktok and was really amazed by his wisdom. One video really stuck to my head, the question was, where did a person go when he dies? He mentioned that they are here, with us just in a different frequency. And so I thought, where will I go when I die, will I still be able to see my loved one's. Maybe it was like you were dreaming. Andameng tanong na napaka hirap sagutin. What if I end my life now, will I still be loved unconditionally? There are lots of reality that is hard for every human to comprehend. What if pain is just a thought. What if you can really teach your body not to feel pain. Ahh ewan! 

After my shift, I decided to ride the stationary bike for 25 mins. I thought of putting some ice on my right knee. It did help a bit. 

Oh well, Another day full of pain, misery and frustations.

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