Sept 1, 2023

Sept na ano na AS, wala pa din nag babago. I think I am getting frustrated every day I wake up. Pero sabi nga ng mga nababasa ko, Secukinumab is a slow burner. It just makes it harder for me to cope since I don't have any pain meds to take. Bawal because of my kidneys. My doctor naman prescribed me steroids but I will never take them again. Steroids fucked my body up. I am still dealing with it's side effects. Parang mababaliw nako. I really need to reconsider things if I want to survive. Di ako tatagal sa ganitong setup. I really love Mark but I need a different environment. Nawawalan nako ng gana mabuhay. I have to rebuild my self. There are missing pieces that I need to find.

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Excited yet afraid 😑

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Monday, Aug 21, 2023 Starting this journal to keep track of what is happening to me now. I am afraid that I will forget all the things happening to me each day. Natatakot ako na baka ung maliit na porsyento ng kaisyahan ko ay matabunan lahat ng frustrations dulot ng sakit na ito.  As usual, I woke up with a lot of pain. I asked Mark to help me get up as I can't sleep well last night. I kept thinking about my first Biologics injection - will it work? Or be just a waste? Well atleast, I will be trying it. I am very excited, yet very afraid. Will this give me relief? Will this stop my agony? I will never know until I try. Preparing meal is really a struggle. Hope Mark finds a way to learn how to cook. Umiyak ako twice today, but I dont want Mark to see it. I cried because the pain is overwhelming even though I know that my pain tolerance is high. Nilalamon ako ng buong buo. Honestly, I don't know who Roj is anymore. I see a different person whenever I look at the mirro...
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The day after

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Aug 24, 2023 I felt a very slight relief the day after my Scapho shot, however, noticed that I have some rashes on chest and tummy area. Also, I woke up troubled since I had a terrible headache the night before and was worried that it might intensify as the day goes. I decided to file for a sick leave to rest more. Was trying to assess my pain levels and still, my hips are in terrible state.  Wasn't able to eat breakfast and tried my best to prepare for lunch, tita brought ginataang langka for ulam. It was going smooth until I felt that my right knee suddenly "locked" and became stuck for a few seconds. I really didnt know what happened next but in a snap my hips folded in front and found my face filled with ginataang langka. I just thought, if im not in front of the table, I might get into accident and hit my head on the floor. It was a shock. After eating my meal, I decided to use the stationary bike again. I was so scared that I might not be able to do it b...
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Another day of misery

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